Did you hear that new song about tortillas?  Actually, I guess it’s more of a wrap.  

Did you hear that new song about tortillas?  Actually, I guess it’s more of a wrap.  

There’s nothing more off-putting than a clown in sensible shoes.

There’s nothing more off-putting than a clown in sensible shoes.

Try copying and pasting a Kobo or Nook eBook URL in the OHFB eBook Price Tracker : http://price.ohfb.com

Try copying and pasting a Kobo or Nook eBook URL in the OHFB eBook Price Tracker : http://price.ohfb.com

I’ve been depressed ever since I lost my license to resell whoopee cushions.  It really took the wind out of my sails.

I’ve been depressed ever since I lost my license to resell whoopee cushions.  It really took the wind out of my sails.

Sometimes, late at night, I wonder if we can see the same stars.  Then I realize you can because I’m hiding in your bushes.

Sometimes, late at night, I wonder if we can see the same stars.  Then I realize you can because I’m hiding in your bushes.

Man, I have the best idea that’s going to make me tons of money!  Who wants to buy it from me?

Man, I have the best idea that’s going to make me tons of money!  Who wants to buy it from me?

Someone is stealing and drinking an entire six pack of energy drinks from the office fridge before lunch.  I don’t know how they sleep at night.  

Someone is stealing and drinking an entire six pack of energy drinks from the office fridge before lunch.  I don’t know how they sleep at night.  

My wife’s father is British and spends a lot of time in the bathroom.  He’s my father in loo. 

My wife’s father is British and spends a lot of time in the bathroom.  He’s my father in loo. 

Instead of starting this new diet I’ve decided to buy a pair of pants 8 sizes too big. Then, I’m going to stand behind them and take a picture — instant success.

Instead of starting this new diet I’ve decided to buy a pair of pants 8 sizes too big. Then, I’m going to stand behind them and take a picture — instant success.

I felt uneasy when my psychiatrist told me I’m probably seeing things.  I felt even worse when I realized I’m not seeing a psychiatrist. 

I felt uneasy when my psychiatrist told me I’m probably seeing things.  I felt even worse when I realized I’m not seeing a psychiatrist.